hahaist011's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i called in sick today about bright eyes. i only even really know that one song i keep talking about. what gets me: i am stuck in the same repeating loop. maybe? kostrub said that it's as though he's always at the end of his rope, and surely that means the rope will run out. logical (as in cause-and-effect), yes. true? no. am i not frequently at the end of my rope? do i not continue to be so? it makes sense that kostrub would think that being at the end of your rope means that you'd be out of rope. there was a certain kindness to the way he asked me, "so why aren't you dead yet?" those years ago. he took me at my word (the rope nears its end! there is no way back!) instead of noticing (as would andrewa or bond) that all i'd have to do is pull the other way and i'd have some of the rope back. (and, of course, there was kindness in that, too.) i want to write about 'lover i don't have to love,' but i wonder if i will hurt feelings (including mine). it's enough, i guess, to suggest over and over that the song means something to me. a girl who's just out to give a fuck. but i can't be that way here. for as many reasons, i suppose, as there are for not bringing pets into the navajoland zoo. deborah kerr died. which makes me think of The Sundowners, which makes me think of my mama. which makes me (fill in the fucking blank). today, though, we had a fun and lovely conversation about norma shearer and claudette colbert. she thinks maybe i should name a cat Tyrone Power, but only (we both agreed) if that cat is very dark and very, very handsome. maybe it's all my mama's fault i'm so fucked up. she listens to me try to figure out the stupidest things out loud. like why it's strange that barbara stanwyck doesn't really pull off the banter in Meet John Doe. can we explain this by graphing the differences between miss stanwyck and rosalind russel? is it because it's capra, not hawks? blah blah blah. she makes it seem like it's okay to be like that. 9:00 p.m. - 2007-10-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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